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Drivel - The Puncture Fairy

The dreaded pu*ture fairy at work

The Pun*ture fairy. What is it? It is a sprite which attacks cyclists with the sole intention of ruining a ride and causing annoyance and inconvenience.

There are many types of Pun*ture fairy. After I have been afflicted by their attentions I tend to refer to them all by the anagram of their name; they really are “Pure ****s”!!!!!

So what weapons do these critters have at their disposal? Well the “Litter Louts” and “Geologists” are pretty obvious, some of the others are less obvious. The one weapon all fairies have, and which you will find if you look carefully enough is their fairy fingernails. I would recommend that as soon as you finish reading this you go and examine your tyres. You will find evidence that these critters have been grabbing at them, and if you are lucky you will find the odd torn off fingernail embedded in your tyre. If you are lucky enough to find it, REMOVE IT NOW! Even once removed from the fairy these fingernails retain their mystical powers and slowly work their way inwards towards your inner tube. If you don’t remove them now you can suffer a pun*ture weeks after the initial attack!

So what time of the day do these fairies appear? Well that is a great unknown. Different fairies seem to appear at different times. Some love the peace and quiet of a dark overnight garage. Some are attracted to a cyclist in a rush. Many appear to enjoy the rain as that is when many cyclists are targeted; whether they use the rain for hygiene purposes, weapons lubricant or simply for the discomfort shown on the cyclists face I really don’t know. If you are willing to fund further research into this matter please drop me an email so I can continue my studies, or click this paypal donate button


What do they look like? I’m afraid that despite many long hours sat by the bike uttering the magic word that summons the fairy controller, when I should have been doing other urgent work, I have not yet met one of these creatures (they visited the car on that day). The Photo above is actually obtained courtesy of a friendly fairy who sits in the garden.

How do you summon them? It all depends on the fairy type you want a visit from. One guaranteed method is to utter the P word; especially if you are out, have no repair kit and utter the P word in the context of “It’s ages since I had a P******e… psssssst….. Blast!”

How do you repel them? There is no guaranteed method unfortunately. No tyre is fully exempt (other than solid tyres). I recommend ALWAYS carrying a full repair kit. This discourages them from spending too much effort on you. Always avoid known haunts such as potholes and Sustrans paths. Always keep your tyres inflated hard. Be extra vigilant in the rain and wet. Avoid the P word.

Have you suffered an attack! How do you undo the damage? See here!

Do you concur with me? Do you have other experiences? Email me! Let me know!


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